we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
