I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
