Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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