Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
