I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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