OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
