We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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