We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
