So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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