I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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