Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
