Whod you bang
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
