there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
