I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize