Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
