He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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