A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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