dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
