Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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