But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
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