i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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