let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
