Your tits are I can't wait for
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
