I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
