I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
