So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
