He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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