Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
