we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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