He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
