my room smells like sperm. sweet.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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