i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
