I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
