It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
