I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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