am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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