Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
