She announced her abortion via fbk
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
