she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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