I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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