Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
