Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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