Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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