we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
