Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
