porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
