Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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