I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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