At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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