I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
