no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Terrible idea I love it
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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