I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
