I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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