If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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