Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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