i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
