someone threw a dead crab at me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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